last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
