My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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