He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
