My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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