Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
