i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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