Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
