I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
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My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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