Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
