Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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