how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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