do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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