I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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