So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
