My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
