my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
