I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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