She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
