yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
