Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
