I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
