giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
