No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
