You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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