mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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