It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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