I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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