Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
