In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
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best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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