i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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