a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
