once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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