He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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