does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
