I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
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