If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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