if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
