I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
