Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
