I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
