I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
