i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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