The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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