i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
