Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
