I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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