Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
