just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
