shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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