I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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