Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
