Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
