you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize