My friends, they love my intelligence
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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