I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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