even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
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I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
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My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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