I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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