Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
