I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
