WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
