I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
