is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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