They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
