1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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