i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
