woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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