Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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