yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
