im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
