just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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