Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".