i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.