I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave