I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.